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CVI Shining Part 1

Posted on December 27, 2018December 27, 2018 by News Desk

I walked up to the CVI main entrance and busted through the front door. “Here’s Johnny,” I announced.

Everybody applauded as I made my entrance.

“Here he is,” said the new head of the SEO department.

“The man of the moment,” added the Assistant web design technician.

Its true. I’ve been riding high after my recent triumphs. Who can forget “Apocalypse CVI” and “Van Drivers Gone Wild?” You Can’t.

The boss walked up to me.

“Thanks for doing this JNR.”

“No problem boss,” I said as I put my suitcase on the floor.

“I look forward to watching the place for a couple of weeks over the holidays.”

“Usually the CNR does this,” the boss went on to add…”but he isn’t here, of course.”

There was a pause…

“I still can’t believe what happened…”

“Its okay boss. I’m here now.”

45 minutes later and the CVI Canteen manager was taking me on a tour of the kitchen.

“Its all pretty basic. There is enough food here to last you for 2 years, never mind 2 weeks…just like here, in the pantry…you’ve got all your basics…pot noodles mostly, look here is 2 pallets of Bombay Bad Boys and then we have 5 boxes of Chicken and Mushroom and if you like Beef and Tomato then you are really in for a treat because….”

I zoned out from the words he was speaking. I could still hear a noise. There was something else though. It was like he was trying to say something to me using the power of his mind.

“Don’t go in the stationery cupboard.”

The next morning and all of the CVI staff were long gone. I was now all alone in the big building.

I thought about going for a brisk walk in the outdoor maze, which was located within the CVI grounds.

However, I feared I might never find my way out.

Instead, I decided to whiz around the CVI hallways on a push scooter which someone had left behind.

I was whizzing around…without a care in the world…and then…

I screeched to a halt!

There it was…the stationery cupboard. It was padlocked, which peaked my curiosity.

I zoned in on that cupboard for a few seconds, almost in a trance, wondering what is inside.

“Snap out of it,” I said to myself.

“I’m here to look after the place and that is it.”

That evening a snow storm hit and the electricity went out. I decided to get an early night and quickly started to dream.

I dreamt it was the noughties and everybody was dressed in the height of fashion. It was some kind of party, right here at CVI HQ.

Everybody was excited about the new van insurance technology

“You can compare over 40 companies and brokers in 3 minutes,” I overheard in one conversation.

Just then a butler brushed my shoulder as he was walking past and spilled a drink on me.

“I’m so sorry sir. Allow me to clean that up for you, it will only take a minute.”

We went in the bathroom and he cleaned my jacket with a wet cloth. It was then I got a good look at him for the first time.

“CNR…its you!”

“You seem to be mistaken sir. I am the butler here at CVI. Nothing more.”

“It is you…CNR!!”

“You are mistaken sir. It is YOU who is the CNR. You have always been the CNR.”

His face changed to give me an intense stare.

“Now you must go to the stationery cupboard and Co…RRect this situation.” he said.

“The stationary cupboard?” I asked, surprised and a bit frightened..

“Yes. Go Do It Now.”

You are here: Home » Van Insurance News » Archives for December 2018

Drones Out…Delivery Drivers In

Posted on December 18, 2018December 18, 2018 by News Desk

We all thought the writing was on the wall for delivery drivers. “Rise Of The Drones,” said the boss of Amazon and he meant it.

It was thought drones in the air would become the new way to deliver packages to every man, woman, and child in this nation of ours, and while it may eventually become a reality, for now it is the delivery drivers who are needed the most.

In our opinion the next 10 to 20 years is a boom time for UK delivery drivers and courier drivers. If you can drive a van then you can make a packet.

Which is good news, because you can also use CVI to save a packet on your van insurance.

The equation is simple – delivery driver job + CVI = You Win!

At this point you might be saying “OK CVI, the drones might be out, but what about self driving vans?”

It’s true that self driving vans are just over the horizon, but there is still a need for someone to deliver the packages.

While a van that drives itself is not far off, a robot who gets in and out of the van all day long and knocks on doors is still a bit far fetched if you ask us.

So you can forget about drones and forget about robots. Your delivery driving job is safe and you can cash in on the online shopping craze for years to come.

For example, the demand from Amazon Prime is hot right now. They want packages delivered morning, noon, and night…every day, all day, and it is YOU who is expected to get them delivered on time and in one piece.

And get this: The boss at Amazon has come up with an idea…he wants YOU to become the boss.

That’s right. It looks like Amazon might be about to go down the franchise route and allow delivery drivers to setup their very own Amazon delivery franchise.

He estimates that a franchise owner could make around $300,000 a year, which is about £250,000 in UK money.

Would you like to make a quarter of a million a year, all from the comfort of your own van, while you eat ham sandwiches and read CVI on your smartphone? Of course you would.

It doesn’t matter how much cash you rake in though. You should always compare van insurance and that is something you can do on our 3 minute form.

You can even get van fleet insurance though our trusted partners, which means if your Amazon delivery franchise takes off then we have got you covered.

You are here: Home » Van Insurance News » Archives for December 2018

Van Drivers Gone Wild

Posted on December 11, 2018December 11, 2018 by News Desk

First I gave you “Apocalypse CVI,” and now, I give you…”Van Drivers Gone Wild.” A plan for TV domination in 2019.

The formula is simple: We need to take advantage of the publicity from our TV advertisements, by getting on the box with our very own show.

I was thinking me and a documentary film crew could “tour” the country and go to different towns and cities. The show would air on Channel 5 prime time and would rival Can’t Pay Take It Away as the nations favourite…TV program.

“Van Drivers Gone Wild,” is the name, and 9pm on a Wednesday night is the game.

The first episode…

“Wet and Wild,”

The story of a white van man in Surrey who took off in the rain and went on a rampage. We show actual footage of the wild manoeuvrers that took place on the wet roads, and speak with key eye witnesses to the rampage.

Then, in the final part of the show we reach a climax as we enter the prison cell of the white van man and put him on camera, in a no holds barred interview that will shock and entertain at the same time.

I envision that wherever me and the CVI film crew go…we will always attract a huge crowd.

We could give out free CVI hats, free CVI t-shirts, and even…free money. This is reality TV after all, and the more you pay…the wilder it gets!

We could make it rain money, and get the good people of our nation to do all kinds of things in the name of Cheap Van Insurance.

Once finished, everybody gets together to repeat after me…”The Nations Favourite!”

When Van Drivers Gone Wild is established on Channel 5 and winning awards, I think a spin off product should immediately be commissioned to cash in on the craze.

I call it…

Van Drivers AFTER DARK (Banned on TV)

So the plan is to take the footage which is too hot to handle and put it on a DVD. Then buy advertising space on those late night commercials you see after midnight.

“If you thought the van drivers were really wild and out of control on the popular Channel 5 series, then you haven’t seen anything yet, and for only £29.95 you can see everything.”

I reckon we could easily slap a £29.95 price tag for just one DVD and sell 1 million copies.

So that is £30 million quid into the CVI bank account.

“But wait there’s more…

Buy right now and you get the never before seen…

White Van Women Uncensored…

See what happens when the action gets really wet…

It’s yours, completely free of charge, but you must act now.”

So there we have it. This is my synopsis for the “Van Driver Gone Wild” brand. I believe millions will watch this every week and everyone will have a “Wild” DVD in their collection.

Of course, all of this is a lead generator for the simple 3 minute form that gets cheap van insurance for every van driver in the UK.

You are here: Home » Van Insurance News » Archives for December 2018

Van Drivers EXPOSED

Posted on December 4, 2018December 4, 2018 by News Desk

Just who is that man or woman behind the wheel of a Ford Transit these days? We know most of them use CVI…but who are they exactly?

Well, thanks to new research we have gained a better understanding of exactly who is driving up and down the roads of our nation.

You might think it is the stereotypical “white van man” such as a builder, painter, carpenter, delivery driver, or electrician, and you would be right, they are the foundation of the van economy and the main user of CVI.

However, the research does suggest the landscape of van driving is changing. For example, 14,000 vans are owned by housewives and house husbands and many are used for business and pleasure. Even to take the kids to school.

Do you want more numbers? How about the fact that 414 waiters in the UK own a van. Or how about the fact that professional knitters are now prime targets for the van companies who want to make a sale.

We can’t mention vans without talking about accidents can we? The most accident prone van drivers are plumbing and heating engineers. Sure, they are good with their plungers and they enjoy eating their iced buns, but when it comes to getting into fender benders they are right there at number 1.

Company directors follow up plumbers on the list of accident prone van drivers, followed by carpenters and then joiners.

They are all welcome to fill in the 3 minute form here at CVI though. We forgive you.

When it comes to the battle of the sexes, men vs women, then who can be trusted more on UK roads to drive safely and obey the laws of the road?

The research shows it is women who are safer, with men more likely to get in an accident. 12% to be exact compared to 10% of women van drivers.

Both men and women van drivers visit CVI on a regular basis, with many calling it their home. They access it on their computer, tablet and smartphone, and tell all their family and friends about the power of CVI and the famous 3 minute form.

Back to accidents, and it’s Ford, Volkswagen, and Vauxhall which are the most likely brands to be involved in a crash.

Citroen are hot on the heels, with Renault, Mercedes, and Peugeot not far behind.

Yes you guessed it. CVI welcome all of these van brands and will provide you with a quote no matter how old or new your van is.

We also give quotes for Nissan, Mitsubishi and Fiat vans. Just fill in the simple form and be amazed at the magic of Cheap Van Insurance.

You are here: Home » Van Insurance News » Archives for December 2018

White Van Man On Tour…No More?

Posted on December 3, 2018December 3, 2018 by News Desk

Our very own white van men have been known to leave the island and go on tour. To Europe they go…and beyond.

But mostly Europe. As we have reported about before here on the CVI blog, it is in countries such as France and Russia where white van owners have got themselves in a bit of bother. Some prison time…yes. Nothing too serious though.

The vast majority of “white van men on tour” don’t get in bother. A bit of rage? Yes. But handcuffs and 7 months of hard labour? No.

Most white van men head North, South, East and West. Where will they go next? Nobody knows…although, the days of touring the roads of our European Cousins may soon be coming to an end.

Why? Because if our country says “NO DEAL” to Brexit then white van owners may require a special Green Card to legally drive on the roads of Europe.

Right now, as we speak, a UK issued van insurance policy (like the one you can find through our 3 minute form) is enough to keep you legal to drive through EU countries.

However, if we decide that ALL DEALS ARE OFF…and we want to separate from Europe without any kind of deal, then, you can expect your van insurance policy to become “non Euro friendly.”

Instead, our European cousins (second cousins) will demand a special Green Card so you can legally drive on the wrong side of the road.

The French police will demand – “Carte Verte.”

Here is the thing: These European Driving Green Cards will be very much in demand. To the point where the demand will outstrip the supply.

“I can’t get my Green Card in time, what are my options?” The white van man about to go on tour will ask.

The solution is to print off the Green Card at home. You simply buy it in PDF form through PayPal on an official website and then let your printer do the hard work.

The catch? It needs to be green of course. It is a green card after all.

If you don’t have a colour printer or the “green” in your inkjets has seen better days, then your days of going on tour might be at an end.

You could always set off anyway, down to the port of Dover and through to the port of Calais, and then on to the open road.

But if your “Green Card” is actually a “Black and White Card” then you might find yourself at the wrong side of the law.

“NO VERDE!” – the Spanish police officer will say.

Our relationship with Europe is rocky enough, they won’t need much excuse to put you in jail.

And if you get angry? If you have an episode filled with rage and discontent? Then they may even put you away for quite a bit of time…just like our very own CNR, who is currently doing 7 years in a maximum security prison in the French City of Bordeaux.

Apparently its an Alcatraz type of prison. Set in a castle it is surrounded by high walls and no one has ever escaped. No visitors are allowed either, otherwise the CVI team would have been to see him.

Month: December 2018

CVI Shining Part 1

Drones Out…Delivery Drivers In

Van Drivers Gone Wild

Van Drivers EXPOSED

White Van Man On Tour…No More?

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Step 2

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