Author: News Desk

Why you may be feeling SAD…

Posted on by News Desk

While the majority of our readers here at CVI are waiting each week with baited breath to read out latest news, it appears that one or two of you may be nodding off… at the wheel.

Yes, in shocking news from Motoring Research, they found that almost half of all van drivers have, at some point, fallen asleep at the wheel. And now the clocks have gone back, van drivers up and down the country are even more likely to feel tired and struggle with their moods during the shorter days and longer nights.

The study of 2,000 van drivers found that 83% of respondents said that tiredness was a greater issue for them during the autumn and winter months, and 45% said that they find their mood to be affected by the change of seasons. And why wouldn’t you? Seasonal Affective Disorder can affect many of us in countries with short winter days, and long dark nights, and while treatment is surprisingly straightforward, it appears to be something that many people are embarrassed to seek medical help for.

Going back to falling asleep at the wheel – if you are feeling a little drowsy, what should van drivers who are feeling sleepy to do? Well, it’s been proven that simply opening the window doesn’t work, so that’s 58% of the respondents to the survey who aren’t doing the right thing. At all. Instead, the guidance is to pull over and take a 15-45-minute nap, and thankfully 2/3 of the van drivers said that they do actually this when they are really tired. 

But if you do feel that it’s a little more than a bad night’s sleep and this time of year brings a repeat of the same symptoms, the advice is simple, make sure you lay off the caffeine and alcohol, get a regular sleep pattern, take some form of exercise to boost endorphins and tire you a little and seek medical advice if you feel that you are a sufferer of SAD (Seasonal Affective disorder). If going to the doctors is too much, you could also invest in a SAD light for yourself. Just 10 minutes a day is enough to help make those depressing dark mornings a tad less terrible. 

Van Theft is Only Getting Worse.

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Shocking news here at CVI HQ. 

We’re disappointed to report that new figures show that the number of stolen vans has increased by 45% since 2015. 

45%! 

If that wasn’t bad enough, the last year has been particularly awful for white van man and woman, with nearly 10,000 vans reported stolen in 2018/19.

We’re sad for you. It shouldn’t be this hard to make a living, without some little git having it away with your motor. And as if living in London and dealing with that traffic and congestions charges wasn’t punishment enough, more thefts occurred there than anywhere else (4,777 – nearly half of all vans stolen in the past 12 months). That’s an increase of 15% on the figures from 2017/18.

Outside of the capital, Leicestershire was the second worse area in the country for van thefts, with an 8x increase from the previous year.

Volkswagen Commercial Vehicles, who commissioned the report, suggests that keyless vehicle entry could be partially to blame for the rise in van thefts. That’s definitely one new bit of kit you don’t want on your car. 

Better news however, if you live in the West Midlands, who saw a huge 73% decrease in van theft, which likely has nothing at all to do with Aston Villa being promoted to The Premiership this season, but you never know. Meanwhile, Surrey saw a scant 1% decrease which possibly might be rugby or cricket-related but that’s not our forte and we’re clutching at straws a bit, so we’ll leave that conclusion there.

Keyless Entry is Problematic

Keyless entry is proving to be more of a potential problem than a benefit it seems with thefts of both cars and vans on the rise, thanks to technology hacks that allow thieves an easy way in. And while the wisdom is to add extra security locks and bulkheads and to park your van in a way that doors can’t be accessed easily, it’s not really that simple, is it? You didn’t buy a van tonotbe able to easily access all the extra things you’ve got inside it, without moving it somewhere else and bringing out a prison warden size set of keys for all the extra bolts and padlocks you’ve been forced to add. 

Personally, we’d be insisting on a van without keyless technology, if we were in the market for a new one. But keyless or not, it just goes to show just how important a good van insurance policy is for you guys and girls. And if it’s renewal time, its more important than ever that you check the small print and T&Cs to ensure your personal belongings are also covered and that your van insurance premium adequately covers the costs of the goods that you’re transporting. And that we can help with. Just fill out our form and let the best providers save you a job by coming to you with the most competitive insurance quotes around.

A Haunting Tale About Van Drivers in a Post-Apocalyptic Brexit World

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Brexit. 

If like 99.9% of the UK population, you’ve given up trying to understand what the hell happened, what is going to happen and what’s real or not real, like the rest of us, you’re probably over it, and resigned to whatever will happen, will happen.

Let alone trying to understand what any of it actually means.

If you’re a UK van driver who drives their van… well, in the UK, the answer is that to a large degree, Brexit won’t affect you if it does actually happen on October 31st.

If you drive abroad, we hope you’ve looked into the implications in a little more detail, as it’s potentially the stuff of nightmares. 

The customs implications for importing and exploring in and out of Europe are many – there is the extra time it takes to prepare and procure the correct paperwork. There’s the expense of paying for customs charges, most of which will be charged back to the client, but will add extra costs onto your bottom line. Then there’s the time of waiting at borders to have your goods checked in and checked out. If you’re delivering fresh food items for a client – this could be a massive blow to them – and you.

Basically – you’re buggered. 

There is an action in place to try and ensure that if the UK leaves the EU without a deal, that both sides agree a continuation as things are until the end of the year, while a solution is sought, but this still has sticking points if you’re travelling through non-EU countries such as Switzerland and there will be restrictions on the number of deliveries that can be made under this agreement.

Added Van Insurance Costs

If that wasn’t enough, you’ll also need to ensure you have a foreign use extension to over any countries you deliver to. And a green Card driving permit to drive in the EU post-Brexit (currently not charged for by your insurance company, but give it time…) These Green Cards are only valid for a maximum of 90 days, so you’ll need to be sure you’re on top of renewing these to keep driving legally abroad. And you should already have one, but you need to be sure you’re not driving on a UK standard license – you’ll need an international driving permit.

While we wait with bated breath to see what happens, we at CVI can’t see how Brexit’s going to be a good thing for our international van driving friends. All you can do, is ensure you have a really good van insurance policy, that your paperwork is in order, and that you pack extra sandwiches for the inevitable long queue at customs. Sweet dreams all, don’t have nightmares. 

The Rise of White Van Woman

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Last week, we reported on how dogs are becoming ever more ubiquitous in the passenger seat of white vans and taking on unpaid labour at the expense of your typical white van man.

If that isn’t bad enough, there’s more doom and gloom for your stereotypical WMV. 

While the reputation of the white van man is well known throughout the UK, it’s a fact that there is another force on the rise in our green and pleasant land.

White Van Woman is here, hear her roar! (Or at least hear her tell you to get your feet off the sodding table).

Back in 2017, a third of all vans were owned by women, but that was just the beginning.

Last year, the number of female van drivers surged by a whopping 52%, meaning that our trusty WMV could soon become an endangered species.

Cheaper van insurance for women

If that wasn’t bad enough, female van drivers pay less for their van insurance than men, sometimes by less than £1,000.

(They’re taking our jobs)!

“What is fuelling the increase in white van women?” I hear you ask.

As well as the obvious, that more women are working in what were historically male dominated industries, such as delivery and construction, more women are choosing to go self-employed, to give themselves the flexibility they need around childcare and emergency manicures (I may have made that last bit up). 

What are these women doing with their vans?

Women working in dog walking, care roles and cleaning are increasingly likely to choose a van as their primary mode of transport, as opposed to a more traditional choice of a little Fiat 500 or VW Beetle to get around in.

Not only that, a growing number of women are also choosing vans as their primary mode of transport to suit their home life – for all those surfers, cyclists and dog owners, it seems like a van is the perfect solution. 

Next thing we’ll know, the van makers will be offering added extras of pink fluffy seats or leopard print consoles, with extra space for handbag storage. (We don’t know why we’re continuing with these gender stereotypes – Mrs CVI knows more about football than any of us do and could out-drink any of us here by a long chalk, here at CVI towers).

Whatever the reason, I guess it was realistically only a matter of time. 

Male or female, you need to be sure you’re getting the very best deal on your van insurance. Simply fill out our 3-minute form, and let us do the hard work for you.

A Lesson In Dogonomics

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A survey earlier this year reported that almost half of UK van drivers take their dogs to work.

If we consider that there are estimated to be 2.5 million vans on the road in the UK (which makes 1 in 24 of us a white van driver), that’s almost 1.25 million dogs. 

With a total of 9 million pet dogs in Britain, that means that 14% of the entire dog population of the UK are owned by van drivers.

Aww, how cute, right?

But what about looking at it from the other side?

Not only are these dogs getting free travel up and down the country that the rest of us would have to pay for, but some of them are taking an active role in the teamwork at the job sites they are going to. From supervising site operations, or sitting on parcels to make extra space in the van, all of this work is unpaid. 

(They’re taking our jobs)!

The average van driver covers 12,811 miles each year. We know that 1.25 million dogs are on the road, so they are covering over 160 million miles each year, without paying a penny toward diesel. Talk about getting a free ride! Touring the country, and, with the exception of the working dogs we’ve mentioned, barely lifting a paw to help out. Be assure, they are absolutely no bloody use when the M25 is backed up (again) and you need an alternative route, because their paws can’t work the satnav. The freeloaders. 

But do you know there are rules around taking your dog in your van? A dog without a harness, a cage or a dog guard is not only asking for trouble, but it also breaks the Highway Code (it’s Rule 57, if you suffer from insomnia and need something to help you sleep). 

If the worst does happen and you have an accident and your insurers discover your dog wasn’t restrained, it could invalidate your van insurance claim. And if your furry friend gets injured, you’ll also be in need of pet insurance, as any claim for doggy injuries won’t be covered. 

We don’t offer pet insurance, but if you are looking for a great van insurance deal that will be there if you (and your unpaid labour) need it, fill out our short form and save on your van insurance. We think you really should be asking Fido to pay his way too, but we’ll leave that bit to you. 

Autumn of Terror – White Van Man STRIKES Again

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Jack…is back…and he is terrorizing the roads and streets of our nation yet again.

It is the white van man who is striking terror into the minds of ordinary motorists this Septmeber.

Experts are expecting the terror to continue into October, meaning this is now classified as the…

Autumn of terror.

Much like the summer of rage and winter of discontent, this autumn of terror shows that many white van drivers don’t have any “off season.”

Instead they get into their white ford transit vans and put pedal to the metal and unleash all out terror…

Just like one man in a white van who stopped to get out of his van…to punch a woman jogger!

Shocking!! Is all we can say here at CVI.

Or how about the white van driver who can be seen on dashcam footage SMASHING head on into a car. The reason? Because he was checking out a young woman who was still dressed for summer, even though it was Autumn…

The Autumn of terror, that is!!

And what about the white van owner who burned rubbish in his garden, night after night, leaving his neighbours frustrated and angry.

“This isn’t bonfire night…you know?” shouted one of his neighbours.

“I know…this is Autumn,” the white van owner replied, calmly, but with a menacing terror in his eyes.

Before long the white van owner was attacking his neighbours. There was real terror in the neighbourhood, on that night.

Do you know what though? While there are some white van drivers embracing this Autumn of Terror…there are many of you white van owners who are hard working, law obeying, and just general all around good people.

Sure, you might get up to a few tricks here and there and you might even get a bit hot under the collar against other NON white van owners.

But…you are not into punching joggers, or driving head on into other drivers, or attacking your neigbours.

That is NOT your style.

And if that is NOT your style then you are welcome here at CVI.

We welcome you to fill in our 3 minute form and save a packet on van insurance.

The Wicker Van Part 4

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Sergeant Dowie came face to face with…

A van made completely of wicker.

Some staff surrounded the van with flames ready to set it alight.

The Sergeant started to panic.

“You don’t want to do this…what you are about to commit is…

“Relax sergeant.” said Lord CVI with a smile.

“All we are going to do is offer the white van gods exactly what they want…and that thing is…

Your uniform.”

“You are not going to put me in the wicker van?” said Sergeant Dowie with a hint of relief in his voice.

“Of course not,” replied Lord Cvi…”what do you think we are? Heathens?”

All of the CVI staff and CVI Island residents laughed.

Lord CVI now stood in front of Sergeant Dowie and explained everything:

“This year our Cheap Van Insurance did fail…for the first time since we started…and it is because we have angered the white van gods.

We must give them a peace offering…

The uniform of a police officer…”

“But why? What are you talking about?”said a confused Sergeant Dowie.

“Anyone who reads the CVI blog will know that white van men and the police are common enemies, going against each other week after week. We must take a side. Right Now. And that is what we are going to do…

But it couldn’t be any old police officers uniform…

It had to be the uniform of a Sergeant…

Also, you had to come of your own free will – you did – we baited you with fake stories on our blog – starting off with “Duel in Dundee” – then on to France with our “White Van Dog” and then on to the “CVI Shining….

You had to come as a fool – which you are now dressed

And now we will place your uniform in the wicker van…”

“But wait…my uniform is back at the canteen at CVI HQ,” replied Sergeant Dowie.

Just then the canteen manager appeared with the uniform.

“Oh…sorry about the Judo Chop.”

“Aye. It’s alright,” replied the canteen manager.

“And now we will place your uniform in the wicker van…” announced Lord CVI to everybody with baited breath.

They set the Wicker Van alight.

All the CVI staff and residents joined hands around the burning wicker van and sang…

“Autumn is a coming…”

And on and on they sang.

Lord CVI turned to the sergeant who was watching everything…

“And now…you came as a fool, and you must leave as a fool…make sure he flys back to the mainland in that costume.”

The security staff took him off.

Most of the CVI staff started to make their way back to HQ, while Lord CVI and The CNR stopped to ponder the moment.

“Does that mean I can stop writing those stupid stories now?” asked the CNR.

“Yes you can. We have achieved our goal. The White van gods are satisfied and Cheap Van Insurance is the number 1 yet again.”

“And I can go back to my office?”

“Of course…this might be the end of ridiculous stories on the CVI blog…but we have much work to do reporting on white van men and the white van community. We must serve them like we have never served them before”

“I’m going to get back to work straight away.” said the CNR with enthusiasm.

“Let’s go together…our work here is done.” replied Lord CVI.

And with those words the clouds parted and the sun appeared for the first time since morning, as it began to set on CVI Island.

The Wicker Van Part 3

Posted on by News Desk

Sergeant Dowie walked around the empty corridors of CVI HQ. He Looked at certificates on the wall that dated back from the noughties.

“This is to certify that Cheap Van Insurance is the cheapest van insurance comparison site in the UK,” read each certificate, year by year, one by one.

He got to the end…there was an empty place, and the year said 2019…but there was no certificate.

“The cheap van insurance failed this year,” he observed.

Then he thought back to what Lord CVI had said about White Van Gods…

“Sacrifice!” he said in a moment of clarity as he started to piece the jigsaw together.

===============

It didn’t take him long to confirm his theory…

He quietly walked towards the canteen and overhead the canteen manager and caretaker talking…

“What time is the sacrifice happening?”

“About 4pm”

“Are you going dressed as the fool, like always?”

“Aye.”

The sergeant waited for the caretaker to leave, and then creeped up behind the canteen manager as he was getting his costume ready.

“JUDO CHOP”

The canteen manager fell to the floor

====================================

Sergeant Dowie was now dressed as the fool and part of the parade as they went through the lush greenery of CVI island.

He was trying to keep in sync with everybody with the strange dancing and rituals but found it difficult.

“What’s wrong canteen manager? Have you been eating too much of your tomato sauce again? Keep up man,” said the Lord CVI, who was dressed himself in a costume.

Sergeant Dowie tried his best to fit in and hide his true identity as they continued through the island. He pulled it off…just.

And then…they came to the beach near some rocks and a cave.

And then…the CNR appeared out of the cave with his hands tied behind his back and 2 men from the CVI security team either side.

Lord CVI stood in front of everybody and spoke…

“And now…it is time.”

The sergeant quickly ran towards the CNR and then…

DOUBLE JUDO CHOP – he took out both security guards.

“Thank you, mister, quick untie me,” said the CNR.

“You are the Chief News reporter I presume,” asked Sergeant Dowie while untying him.

“Yes mister…you came just in time…quick…I know a way out…this way, through the cave, follow me.”

The sergeant followed the CNR through the cave and they ran for about 5 minutes then they climbed through a hole.

He was expecting for them to both run for safety, but instead, he came face to face with Lord CVI and the staff. Who were now not wearing their costumes.

“Did I do good?” said the CNR

“Marvellous! you did great” replied Lord CVI.

The CNR ran over to join the rest of the CVI staff.

Many of the locals from CVI island started to gather…surrounding the sergeant…there was no way out…they were on a cliff, at the bottom of a hill.

“And now, it is time for you to keep your date with…

The Wicker Van,” said Lord CVI

The CVI security team minus 2 – grabbed the sergeant and started leading him up the hill, while someone banged a drum slowly, adding to the tension of what was about to happen.

As the sergeant approached the top of the hill he suddenly could see what was on top…

His face turned to shock and terror

“OH GOD…OH NO!!”

The Wicker Van Part 2

Posted on by News Desk

“Lord CVI I presume?” asked Sergeant Dowie as he walked into the office.

“At your service,” replied Lord CVI getting up from his armchair.

Sergeant Dowie stood there for a moment, looking Lord CVI up and down.

“Yes…I’m a police officer from the mainland and I’m looking for a missing person…The Chief News Reporter from your blog,” said Sergeant Dowie as he handed the photo to Lord CVI.

“I’m sorry…I can’t help you.” said Lord CVI after looking at the photo for a few seconds.

Sergeant Dowie became impatient and bit agitated…

“Oh yes you can help me! According to your blog he was imprisoned in a maximum security prison in Bordeaux..but Lord CVI …there is no maximum security prison in Bordeaux, and there is no record of this man ever setting foot in the country of France!!”

“So you suspect…foul play?”

“Lord CVI…I suspect…MURDER!!!!”

“Oh no,” replied Lord CVI, in a relaxed and calm tone.”

“Oh Yes!” replied Sergeant Dowie getting more and more irritated.

“Well, I really hope you get to the bottom of this,” said Lord CVI as he started to look out of the window into the CVI HQ grounds.

Sergeant Dowie looked to see what had caught Lord CVI’s attention…and was horrified to see naked women dancing about without a care in the world.

“Just what kind of enterprise are you running here?”

“Oh that is just some of the CVI staff enjoying their lunch break…our motto here at CVI is…be free and do what you want.”

“I’ve never seen such a thing!”

“Yes…well….what you must understand is that here at Cheap Van Insurance we do things differently. I moved to this island in the noughties, at that point there was a declining fishing industry on the island, but that came to an end, and it was me who introduced Cheap Van Insurance as the main source of income…

We could offer cheaper prices than sites and companies on the main land…and do our own thing. Every year we pray to the White Van Gods and they reward us with cheap prices again and again,” said Lord CVI.

“What on earth are you talking about?” replied Sergeant Dowie.

Lord CVI paused for a minute, pondering if to tell the Sergeant more about his company and the White Van Gods, but then decided against it.

“Look…I really don’t see how I can help you…allow me to arrange my assistant to drive you back to your plane.”

“I will be staying right here on this island until I find out what happened to your Chief News Reporter (CNR)!” said Sergeant Dowie in a defiant tone.

“I see,” came the reply from Lord CVI.

The Wicker Van Part 1

Posted on by News Desk

The sea plane touched down on the clear waters just off CVI island. The sun shone briefly, and then it became cloudy.

A small crowd of locals gathered to look at the plane which had just landed.

“I am a Police Officer from the mainland…is this CVI island?” he shouted from the plane.

“Aye” replied one of the locals.

“Can you send a boat to get me?”

“Aye.”

5 Minutes later and the police officer was on the safety of land. With his 2 feet firmly on CVI island, he began to question the small crowd of locals.

“I’m here on official police business…my name is Sergeant Dowie…I’m looking for a missing person.”

“Oh,” replied one of the locals.

“Here is a photo of the missing man…do you know him?”

The photo was passed around the crowd of locals.

“Never seen him” – “That face is not from this island” – “You are in the wrong place,”

“This missing man I am looking for is the Chief News Reporter from the main employer of this island…Cheap Van Insurance,” said Sergeant Dowie.

“Oh yes”

“But you have never seen him?”

“Oh no”

“And which way is it to the Cheap Van Insurance HQ?”

“It’s that way…”

10 Minutes later and Sergeant Dowie arrived at the Cheap Van Insurance HQ entrance. The head of the SEO Department was waiting for him.

“I am here on official Police business, looking for a missing man, he was the Chief News Reporter of this company,” he said handing the picture to the head of the SEO Department.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you,” she said.

“Can’t? Or won’t?” replied Sergeant Dowie.

The sergeant pushed his way through the entrance and into the building to begin his investigation.

“Who does this office belong to?” he asked, pointing towards a dark and empty looking room.

“No-one.”

“So why does it say “CNR” on the door, which are the initials of the man I am looking for?”

“It doesn’t.”

“It’s right there, and may I remind you that lying to a Police Officer is a criminal offence.”

“I’m sure there is an explanation,” said the head of the SEO department.

“I’m sure there is…And I want you to take me to the leader of Cheap Van Insurance, Lord CVI himself right now so he can give an explanation,” replied Sergeant Dowie.

“His office is just round the corner…I will take you there.”

A few minutes later and Sergeant Dowie was walking into the office of Lord CVI…

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