The Wicker Van Part 4

Sergeant Dowie came face to face with…

A van made completely of wicker.

Some staff surrounded the van with flames ready to set it alight.

The Sergeant started to panic.

“You don’t want to do this…what you are about to commit is…

“Relax sergeant.” said Lord CVI with a smile.

“All we are going to do is offer the white van gods exactly what they want…and that thing is…

Your uniform.”

“You are not going to put me in the wicker van?” said Sergeant Dowie with a hint of relief in his voice.

“Of course not,” replied Lord Cvi…”what do you think we are? Heathens?”

All of the CVI staff and CVI Island residents laughed.

Lord CVI now stood in front of Sergeant Dowie and explained everything:

“This year our Cheap Van Insurance did fail…for the first time since we started…and it is because we have angered the white van gods.

We must give them a peace offering…

The uniform of a police officer…”

“But why? What are you talking about?”said a confused Sergeant Dowie.

“Anyone who reads the CVI blog will know that white van men and the police are common enemies, going against each other week after week. We must take a side. Right Now. And that is what we are going to do…

But it couldn’t be any old police officers uniform…

It had to be the uniform of a Sergeant…

Also, you had to come of your own free will – you did – we baited you with fake stories on our blog – starting off with “Duel in Dundee” – then on to France with our “White Van Dog” and then on to the “CVI Shining….

You had to come as a fool – which you are now dressed

And now we will place your uniform in the wicker van…”

“But wait…my uniform is back at the canteen at CVI HQ,” replied Sergeant Dowie.

Just then the canteen manager appeared with the uniform.

“Oh…sorry about the Judo Chop.”

“Aye. It’s alright,” replied the canteen manager.

“And now we will place your uniform in the wicker van…” announced Lord CVI to everybody with baited breath.

They set the Wicker Van alight.

All the CVI staff and residents joined hands around the burning wicker van and sang…

“Autumn is a coming…”

And on and on they sang.

Lord CVI turned to the sergeant who was watching everything…

“And now…you came as a fool, and you must leave as a fool…make sure he flys back to the mainland in that costume.”

The security staff took him off.

Most of the CVI staff started to make their way back to HQ, while Lord CVI and The CNR stopped to ponder the moment.

“Does that mean I can stop writing those stupid stories now?” asked the CNR.

“Yes you can. We have achieved our goal. The White van gods are satisfied and Cheap Van Insurance is the number 1 yet again.”

“And I can go back to my office?”

“Of course…this might be the end of ridiculous stories on the CVI blog…but we have much work to do reporting on white van men and the white van community. We must serve them like we have never served them before”

“I’m going to get back to work straight away.” said the CNR with enthusiasm.

“Let’s go together…our work here is done.” replied Lord CVI.

And with those words the clouds parted and the sun appeared for the first time since morning, as it began to set on CVI Island.

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