The Cardiff Incident – RE: White Van Man

As I walked back towards the CVI limo I noticed the windows were steamed up. “What are you doing?” I demanded to know…

Hi, It’s the CNR from CVI here and I am probably getting ahead of myself a bit. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? Ok, here is the bizarre story, involving a…yep you got it, a white van man.

As CVI enthusiasts will know I’ve been in Cardiff on tour, seeking out stories about white van men becoming “unhinged” in this “summer of scam” that is going on right now, as we speak.

I wasn’t disappointed .As soon as I took to the streets of Cardiff I found plenty of stories about white van drivers being unleashed and unchained.

At the end of a long day filling up my notebook with stories I decided it was time to take a break and get some food before heading back to the hotel for the night.

“Take me to Tesco,” I said to the Limo driver, and with those words he drove me through the quiet Cardiff streets to the supermarket car park.

“I’m going to get a pot noodle, do you want anything?” I asked the limo driver.

“yes get me a beef and tomato flavour,” he replied.

“Ok…oh and put the kettle on while I’m gone…we need it for our pot noodles,” I said.

Tesco was empty which meant I quickly located the pot noodle aisle and found a chicken and mushroom flavour for me and beef and tomato for the driver, then I headed for the checkout.

With two pot noodles firmly in hand I walked back out into the quiet car park and what I saw next I couldn’t believe. The end of the day suddenly became the headline of the day.

My first reaction was to drop the pot noodles and reach for my Motorola, but then I remembered it didn’t have a camera. So I did what any Chief News Reporter would do in this situation…I got out my notebook.

I simply wrote what I saw…

“White Volkswagen van driving around Tesco car park, with a man clinging to the top and doing press ups. Another man in the van driving. Man on top still doing press ups. Coked up? Puff the magic dragon? Has the white van man finally become totally unhinged? Still driving around the car park…still doing press ups..it has now driven off into the night.”

What more could I do? I headed towards the limo still in a daze.

As I walked back towards the CVI limo I noticed the windows were steamed up. “What are you doing?” I demanded to know…

The window of the limo opened up slightly and some steam flew out.

“I’m boiling the kettle…for the pot noodles,” the limo driver said.

“Oh” I replied, “of course,” realising I had forgot all about the pot noodles.

I went back and picked them up off the ground and then got in the limo.

We sat there in silence eating our pot noodles. I wasn’t even sure if the limo driver had seen the white van incident because the windows had been steamed up. I wasn’t even sure if this was reality anymore.

Rather than say anything about the incident I decided to finish my pot noodle and then say to the limo driver…

“Take me back to CVI HQ…we must drive through the night.”

I didn’t want to hang around in Cardiff any longer I thought to myself. This summer was getting way too strange.

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