We were somewhere around Ipswich, when the mayhem started to unfold…
A white van seemed to be heading directly at the CVI limo…sideways!
We were driving down the motorway, safely in the left hand lane, when out of the right window it looked as if a white van was about to crash into us.
Instead of the expected collision, the van continued past us.
I was baffled.
Once the van was ahead of the limo I could see the problem…it was “Bent.”
The wheels were travelling at a weird angle, although the van was still able to somehow avoid total mayhem despite the fact it kept wanting to shift to the side.
Then the white van disappeared into the distance.
“We need a break, do you want to get a pot noodle? Asked the limo driver.
I shuddered at the thought, remembering the Cardiff incident. Kind of like Pavlovs Dog.
“Er…no, let’s go to a service station and dine out in style…and then put in on the CVI tab, we deserve it,” I replied.
10 Minutes later we arrived at a service station and found a Pizza Hut that was open for business. It was full of commercial drivers, some of whom were no doubt driving lorries and tankers on long haul drives.
We sat down and as I was reading the Pizza Hut menu I overheard the table next to me…
“We’ve got a 2 for 1 voucher for our meal…we got it from buying lorry insurance from Compare The…”
“MEERKATS!” I shouted, unable to help myself.
I turned to the man on the table next to me and said – “Are you seriously telling me you bought lorry insurance from those pesky meerkats just so you could save a bit of money on a pizza?”
“It’s a good deal,” he replied, proudly.
“NO…It’s MADNESS…Meerkat MADNESS,” I shouted, unable to help myself once again.
“Do you not realise that you could go to Cheap Van Insurance and save yourself a packet? Then you could afford to buy yourself a hundred pizzas and still have change,” I lectured him, but I could see nothing was getting through.
At that moment another man in a red baseball cap entered the restaurant and started placing an order for takeaway.
“Oh, I’ve got a 2 for 1 voucher for that…all thanks to those meerkats,” he said with a smug arrogance that sent me over the edge.
“This is MADNESS,” I shouted. “You people are INSANE.”
The restaurant fell completely silent and everybody looked at me, stunned and with their mouths open.
“Go to the Nations favourite…3 minutes is all it takes.”
However, they just looked at me with blank faces.
“I will not stay in this Pizza Hut a minute longer. Driver…let’s go.”
10 minutes later and we were sat in the CVI limo eating a pot noodle.
“How long until those meerkats get a piece of the pot noodle pie,” I said to the limo driver.
“I dunno,” he replied.
I finished my Bombay BadBoy and then realised this Meerkat Madness was taking up too much of my time and energy. We had a mission to complete.
“Onwards to Dundee,” I announced to the driver.
We got back on the road and sailed along the motorway without any further madness.
Then we arrived at the Scottish border and the CVI limo passed through and into a new country.
“Not long until we arrive in Dundee,” the limo driver told me. It was the first words he had said since the service station.
I sensed that a duel was waiting for me in Dundee. Something which could finally bring this story to a satisfying conclusion.
I took this opportunity to send a text back to HQ. “Motorway Mayhem and Meerkat Madness…”